Tuesday, October 28, 2008

the second child

I am a first born. I am the oldest of three. I think I may have some of the personality traits normally attributed to firstborns. Until having my own, it was hard to see how this may have played out.

Until recently I was only aware of the benefits of being the firstborn. You get all mom's attention for the first while, you are so special, you get all the photos of you, all the big news all the excitement. When the second one comes everyone talks (in my family) about how they are deprived of all the excitement because everyone is just so busy! They exist on the shadow of their older sibling, who can talk and run and demand attention.

Well, for the record (and for my beautiful Emery) I would like to state some of the benefits of being born second. So that we can all relish every member of our family.

Firstly secondborns get to be born into a family. When big M was born, we were a married couple, just trying to figure ourselves out. We had a little boy who taught us a lot about each other and how to be a unit. When little em was born he had the benefit of moving right into this little group, and being loved by all of us.

Little em gets all the benefits of a mom who knows more about parenting. He is a calmer baby than big M, but also I know how to read his signs better and respond more capably. With big M I was doing everything I could to be there for him, but sometimes I was feeding when he was tired, burping when he was hungry...you get the point.

Secondborns are loved by more people. OK, thats a weird way of putting it, but when I have big M I was so excited to have a baby and so into being a mother, I could be there every minute for him and when we were out, I preferred to hold him. When we go out with little em, I am usually busy with something and some lovely person responds and holds Emery, giving him all their love and attention. He is learning to be comforted by so many people, and in turn those folks are loving him back!

Anyways, I think there is beauty in every situation, and we are so blessed to have two amazing boys that teach us so much. I just want them both to know that there is something to appreciate for each of them. How we are blessed!


Cameron D. said...

Interesting post.

I'm a second child ... a second son too (of 4.) Unlike Em I was not calm as a baby, I was very difficult (my mom said that if I was the first there would not have been three others.)

I'm a Faramir [figuratively] to my brother's Boromir (ask Mark ... LOTR references.) and I've carved my own distinct path ... maybe for attention (hello artist?)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post! I read the birthorder book last year and it's quite fascinating. It fits me to a 'T', also being a first born.

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